Opeth – The Last Will and Testament: A Story by a Cuckold Cookie Monster (Review)
Opeth – The Last Will and Testament
Succession for cuckolds who have ADHD
After a five-year break, Opeth—or should I say Mikael Åkerfeldt?—returns with a sick and twisted concept album. Let me start by saying this: I’m not a huge Opeth fan. While I strongly admire their legendary three-album run from 1998 to 2001 and enjoy tracks like “Black Rose Immortal” and “Reverie / Harlequin Forest,” Opeth has never been the soundtrack of my life the way it is for so many listeners. Keep this in mind as you read.
The Last Will and Testament tells the story of three siblings who reunite after their father’s death to split his inheritance. However, the father’s testament reveals some shocking twists. It turns out that the twin sisters are bastards—the result of their barren father allowing another man to “smash and bang” his wife. Overcome with regret and anger, the father decides to leave everything to his third daughter, who suffers from a skeletal disease. Oh, and by the way, this third daughter was born to the maid of the mansion, who also had an affair with the father. Twisted enough for you?
Wait, there’s more. At the end of the testament, the siblings receive a letter from the maid revealing that the third daughter is also the product of yet another affair. Remember, the guy was barren! Now we’re at twisted squared.
I’ve never been a fan of cuckold stories—they usually have quality issues—but that hasn’t stopped me from enjoying them. Movies like "Obsession", "Face/Off", "Deep Water", and "The Prestige" come to mind. While I don’t admire these movies, I’ve always had fun teasing their absurdity.
The Last Will and Testament fits neatly into that same category. It’s laughably convoluted and fun to mock, but consuming it is another story. It feels chaotic, uninteresting, overly long, and past its expiration date.
It’s clear that I didn’t like the concept’s story—it’s just plain silly. The guy is barren, yet somehow thinks he can impregnate someone? Come on, dude, you can do better than this—anyone can.
But what about the music itself? From the debut, I was never fully on board with Opeth’s compositional style. Sure, they’ve always had an endless supply of great melodies, riffs, and ideas, but the way they connect them hasn’t always been as impressive as the individual parts. However, this album takes that issue to another level. Many tracks fail to feel like standalone songs. You might assume they sound cohesive as part of a whole, given the untitled tracks marked with '§' in their names. But no—even if we consider the “testament” sections as one single piece, it feels like a jumble of mediocre ideas dumped together.
Some might enjoy hearing growls again after all these years, but I don’t. While I admire Mikael’s growls and have always appreciated his velvet-smooth clean vocals, their return doesn’t do much for me in this context. Sure, it’s nice to have brutal vocals for some diversity throughout the album, but when the songwriting remains as uninspired as it has been on the past few releases, the growls alone fail to make a significant impact.
Some might say this album is a return to roots because of the harsh vocals, but I disagree. At best, this album harkens back more to Ghost Reveries. Don’t get me wrong—I love Ghost Reveries, and it’s one of my favorite Opeth albums. However, it’s also the record that introduced some elements I dislike about the band’s newer era.
The 70s progressive rock-inspired keyboards were a great addition to their music, and the ominous, occult atmosphere on Ghost Reveries was awe-inspiring. The track “Atonement,” which blended Middle Eastern influences with Opeth’s signature sound, worked well. But after that album, their interpretation of these elements turned weak. As someone who loves occultism in art and Eastern musical influences, The Last Will and Testament is yet another Opeth record that falls short in these areas.
If I have to speak about the positives, there are some aspects worth mentioning. How nice is it, right? “§4,” featuring Ian Anderson as a guest, includes some lovely arrangements in the flute sections. Additionally, “§7” stands out as the only proper song from the testament part.
Another highlight of the album is the performance of new drummer Waltteri Väyrynen. When Martín Lopez left the band and Martin Axenrot took his place, Axenrot—despite being a highly skilled drummer—delivered a lackluster performance. This was largely due to Åkerfeldt expecting him to imitate Lopez’s style, resulting in a soulless execution. Now, however, it seems Åkerfeldt has learned from his past mistakes and allowed Väyrynen to play in his own style. This decision positively impacted the album. Väyrynen’s relentless, full-throttle drumming elevates “§6,” turning it into a decent section of the album.
And then comes the grand finale, “A Story Never Told,” the part that unveils the biggest secret and the only track with a proper title. It’s an anticlimactic, sombre closer that makes sense after the chaos of the preceding 51 minutes. However, the problem lies in the fact that when those 51 minutes consist mostly of crap, the closer fails to leave a lasting impression. While it functions as a decent gear in the machine, it doesn’t elevate the experience much.
In short, Opeth continues to draw heavily from progressive rock legends like Gentle Giant, Genesis, Jethro Tull, etc. resulting in an uninspiring sound. The additional changes they’ve made over their past few albums have had both positive and negative effects. Unfortunately, the overall trajectory remains discouraging. Frankly, the longer the wait for the next Opeth album, the happier I’ll be—here’s hoping it never arrives.
Rating: 3.5/10
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